>>Baloo: What are we stuck reading now

>>Kit: Don't know but Ricia said it's not TaleSpin

>>Rebecca: Great. We don't have to watch ourselves die or go crazy.

   Demons all of them....
   
>>Kit: Sounds like the beginning of a really bad comic book.

   Sept. 1 - FREEHOLD IOWA- Landover Baptist Pastor,
   Ebeneezer

>>Baloo: Scrooge

 Smith used a
 blowtorch and a sword Sunday morning to demonstrate

>>Rebecca: His own immortality...it didn't work.

   that Pokemon games and
   toys are only sugar-coated instruments of the occult
   and evil.

>>Rebecca: Along with Smurfs, Star Wars and everything that isn't 
           "Christian" based.

   Earlier this week at Landover's Wednesday evening
   service, children's pastor
   Marty Richards told 714 kids ages 2 through 10 that
   Pokemon is evil and was
   sent to this planet under direct orders from Satan
   himself.

>>Baloo:(Satan) Okay Pikachu. I want you to act really cute and take 
         over the world with plush toys and keychains! 
         BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
   
   To drive home his point, Richards burned Pokemon
   trading cards and video
   games with a blowtorch and skewered 14 plastic
   Pokemon action figures with a
   40 inch broad sword. Richards then held the sword
   with all 14 pierced
   Pokemon figures over a charcoal grill.

>>Kit: Yum, I'll take a Charmander leg and a Pidgeotto wing!

 Richards'
  5-year-old son tore the
   limbs and head off a Pokemon doll and spit on the
   dismembered carcass.
   
>>Kit: Oookay. That's healthy.


  During the demonstration, the children chanted:
   "Burn it. Burn it,'' and
   "Chop it up. Chop it up.'' "Kill them All!"
  
>>Baloo: I'm confused. Who's promoting violence and evil?
 
   Manufacturers of the hugely popular Pokemon
   products, including Nintendo and
   Hasbro Inc., lied openly about Pokemon's association
   with the occult.
  
>>Rebecca:(Nintendo CEO): What? Occult? What the hell are you 
           talking about? Are you smoking something?
 
   The national Christian Coalition told The Press on
   Friday that it fully
   agrees with Landover Baptist's stand against the
   ungodly toy industry.

>>Baloo:(news reporter): Jeffery Giraffe was found skewered today in 
         a local park. Police are baffled.

 "Toy
   manufacturers are being guided by Satan's minions."
   One source stated,
   "Demons are instructing the Nintendo and Hasbro
   companies on how to corrupt
   a child's innocence and create a future army of
   junior Satanists that will
   one day rule the world!"
   
>>Kit: How is wandering around in the woods capturing 151 different 
       creatures doing the Devil's work?
>>Rebecca: I think they're going to say why.
>>Baloo: Oh the suspense is killing me.


   "We agree with Pastor Ebeneezer, and The Landover
   Baptist Corporation,''
   said William Barnes, a spokesman for the national
   Christian Coalition based
   in Virginia. "It's a policy issue, a church issue,
   and a national security
   issue. 

>>Rebecca: I knew it! The Pokemon are Russian spies!

We know all about it. We currently fund over
   15 campaigns against the
   Pokemon menace.''
    Pokemon, (pronounced POH-kaymahn), is short for
   pocket demons.

>>Baloo: No it isn't. It's short for Pocket Monsters

 The Devil
  loving phenomenon began in Japan over 20 years ago.
   A young boy summoned an
   evil demon to kill his entire family because they
   wouldn't buy him a stick
   of chewing gum at the supermarket. 

>>Kit:(old man voice) Must have Juicy Fruit!

The demon came,
   and brought with it,
   other pokemons who jumped into the parents mouths
   while they were sleeping,
   and lodged themselves in their tracheas, suffocating
   an entire family,

>>Kit: (coughs) Sorry had a Meowth in my throat.

 and
   setting the boy free to steal their money and buy
   gum.
  
>>Rebecca:(kids show host) And the little boy lived happily ever 
           after with his demons and his gum.
>>Kit: (little kid) Wow what a great story! Thanks!
 
   "The whole idea behind Pokemon is to show a child
   that they can become a
   "powerful evil force, and they don't have to listen
   to their parents.''
  
>>Baloo: I don't remember that episode.

 Landover occult expert, Jonathan Edwards said. "Kids
   look for different
   Pokemon demons, find them and utilize their specific
   powers to create chaos
   in the home. It can be extremely violent, and the
   liberal media does not
   want anyone to know how many families have been torn
   apart since this menace
   began. 

>>Kit: Give me gum or I'm throw my GameBoy at your head!

The ultimate goal for a child is to collect
   them, and once they've
   collected all of them, they can have anything they
   wish for.

>>Kit: Really?? Wow! Where can I get some Pokemon?

 In most cases,
   the child wishes for complete control over his
   entire family. 

>>Baloo: These are the children who think way too small.

The pokemons
   approach in the still of night, entering the parents
   mouths and lodging
  themselves in their tracheas until they suffocate.

>>Rebecca: When did this happen?

  They then scurry off
   quietly and return to their masters bed. When
   authorities arrive, they are
   shocked to see no evidence of foul play. They
   observe only a smiling child,
   fast asleep, surrounded by stuffed animals and
   'innocent little' Pokemons."
  
>>Baloo: Sounds like a Bradbury story.
>>Kit: (Krusty doll) Hi I'm Krusty the Clown and I'm going to kill 
        you.
 
   Deacon Fred, one of 37 co-pastors of the
   125,000-member,
   fundamentalist-baptist church, said that his
   "antenna went up" over a year
   ago. While driving with his kids, he heard them in
   the back seat talking
   about "Abra'' and "Cadabra,'' "A chill went down my
   spine, and a trickle of
   perspiration dribbled slowly down to the small of my
   back!" He pulled the
   car over, took the Pokemon action figures from his
   children, placed them on
   the road, got back into the car and backed over them
   "100 times, until there
   was nothing left but shards of plastic." The teary
   eyed children watched
   from the roadside.
   
>>Rebecca: Twenty years from now, those children will need 24 hour 
           psychatric care.
>>Baloo: (little kid) Broken Abra, broken Abra. Why Daddy why?

  Pastor Deacon Fred said that he doesn't see why more
   unsaved folks don't see
   the Devil's hand in this. "Three of the Pokeman
   characters sprouts horns!"

>>Kit: Well under that logic we should killing all the rhinos in the 
       world.

   Another concern, he said, is that children exploring
   a Pokemon Web site can
   click to other games, including "Magic: the
   Gathering,'' a Satanic game
   similar to Dungeons and Dragons.
   
>>Baloo: (nerdy kid) I wanna cast Magic Missle!
>>Rebecca:(same) Why do you wanna cast Magic Missle? There's nothing 
          to attack here!
>>Baloo: (same) I'm attacking the darkness!

  "It's got fancy sugar coating on it, but,
   underneath, it's Hell's poison,''
   Pastor Deacon Fred said.
  
>>Kit: (Homer Simpson) Mmmmm...sugar-coated Hell's poison.
 
   Focus on the Family, the Colorado Springs-based
   Christian organization whose
   messages reach as many as 5 million people weekly
   via radio broadcasts, has
   researched Pokemon, said David Wright , project
   coordinator the Youth
   Culture Department. "What we found, is so
   horrifying, and so schocking, it
   would drive an unsaved person to the brink of
   insanity!

>>Baloo: Look at the price of a stuffed Meowth! Do I look like I'm 
         made of money?

 Godly Christians are
   the only ones who can see this Satanic attack, we
   don't expect sinners to
   understand our ongoing battle with principalities
   that are not of this
   world. 

>>Kit: (Wright) We don't expect you inferior little sinners to 
        understand our complete lunacy.

We do however, expect them to take us very
   seriously, 

>>Rebecca: I see great dissapointment in this man's future.

and to submit
   to our (God's) authority in destroying these little
  beasts before they make
   junior Satanists out of every child on the planet!"
   
>>Baloo: Uh-huh.
>>Kit: Well what now?
>>Rebecca:(looks at watch) Hey Pokemon is on!

*exit theater*

Disclaimers: TaleSpin is Disney's, MST3K is Best Brains, Pokemon is 
Nintendos, This post is ridiculous.